Advertising. It makes me sick. Trivial, meaningless pap. But as a bloke, what pisses me off the most is how men now are portrayed as imbecilic, boring, unimaginative, ineffectual bufoons. In every advert on british telly at least. Women of course have "lifestyles" - having to run a household, raise the kids, decide the future of the world, insure the car and clean the khazi around their hectic life of socialising with their peer groups, visits to the gym and the recycling bank whilst still maintaining a career at the top of their chosen field (which is usually something like corporate insurance where they do "presentations" at every board meeting.) While they are busy doing all of this the man of the house is creating chaos, getting it all wrong and just sits in front of the telly like a neanderthal while his partner rolls her eyes in amused exasperation at his ineptitude, smugly smiling to the camera.

Maybe it's a carry over from the american sitcom movement that seemed to reach us in the nineties, programmes like friends, and err... well all the others that seem to show these sassy women who are "go-getters" and aint gonna live like their moms did. The success and happiness in their lives is measured in terms of how many business suits they own and how many "facebook" type friends they have regardless of the fact that their level of intimacy has all the depth of IKEA veneer.

Of course the old days of advertising were even worse, women then were orgasmic about flash or fairy snow while their husband did the man's stuff. Cleaning the car and mowing the lawn.

In the eighties of course we had the yoof revolution. Don't you miss Ben Elton? Under thirties had both the disposable income and gullibility that all advertising men dream of. Once an actor reached 28 his revenue relied solely on the werthers original agency.

Now these under thirties who had the world at their feet are thirty and forty somethings. They have all the self importance of someone who has had the world idolising them without the hard times along the way that previous generations had that enabled them to have at least one foot in reality.

Advertising of course is total bollocks. Its one of those things like politics where the only people who claim to be able to measure its effectiveness have their own worthless existences so tied to it that to suggest it is a waste of time and money is such heresy it is never even contemplated.

Advertising is, put simply, trying to persuede people that they need something they really don't. Advertisers don't bother with old people because they've learnt along the way. Even adverts ostensibly aimed at old people such as stairlifts and mobility scooters are actually aimed at their guilt ridden offspring who don't want them moving into their homes and so seek to support their elderly parents "independence.".

No, advertisers aim at people who are easily flattered, who love having their ego stroked, who are full of pomposity and self importance, people who are "entitled" and love to be reminded of it. People who guage their success and worth in terms of having all their demands met - on demand.

So men, don't be offended that you are ridiculed, humiliated and ignored by television advertising. Don't be offended, because it merely shows that the advertisers know you have too much sense to be taken in by their drivel.

Women, enjoy your new-found sense of importance-and remember "it's because you're worth it!"